I’ve spent the past two days feeling super anxious. My flashbacks and nightmares have been substantially worse. Yesterday, I skipped yin yoga because it was cloudy out and I just wanted to lay in bed all morning. There’s nothing wrong with that sometimes. But today, I found the motivation to get a little bit of work done and I made it to a vinyasa yoga class.
My typical Wednesday afternoon teacher is out of town this week, so we had a sub. I’ve taken one class with her before, a restorative silks class. If you’ve never heard of aerial yoga, it is cool as fuck! Seriously, it’s awesome. Restorative aerial yoga is super awesome, even though I kinda sucked at it because at the time I had only been to like one other yoga class and my overall flexibility, strength, and balance was seriously lacking. It was still really cool though.
Anyway, so this lady who subbed was someone who I have had some interactions with previously and I felt mostly comfortable taking her class. She also is probably the most compassionate person I have ever met in my life – just super genuinely kind. She also practices reiki. If you don’t know what reiki is, I can’t really help you lol 🙂 No, I really don’t understand how it works, but it’s this really cool energy healing thing that people who are trained in it can do – they gently touch you and it makes you feel better physically and emotionally. If you’re reading this and you know a better way to explain reiki, please comment or contact me and explain it!!!
Today’s class was challenging. There were lots of planks and core work, but also a good bit of leg work too. And we moved fast with literally no breaks in between flows. But you know, you can’t think about killing yourself when you’re doing cool yoga shit! I was able to hold my crow for an insanely long time today – probably the longest I’ve ever held it. At the end of class, in savasana, the instructor came around and massaged our head, neck, and shoulders. I was the last to be touched which always makes it difficult for me to get into a full savasana because I’m worried I’ll get touched without any warning. Once she got to me and put her hands on me, I felt my entire body just melt. Everything that I had been holding in for the past two days, all of the flashbacks, the anxiety, the fear, the tension, all of that just melted away. I felt my shoulders become one with my mat, and all was right with the world again.
I don’t know why yoga and reiki are so incredibly effective for my PTSD symptoms, but they are. Yoga is the only medicine for my mind that I can take without worrying about becoming dangerously addicted to or overdosing on. I honestly don’t know how I got through the last 28 years without it…. oh wait, self injury, an eating disorder, and substance abuse 🙂 Yoga is definitely the healthier option. And because my mind is not busy obsessing over my trauma stuff, I know that I will actually get a pretty good night’s sleep tonight instead of having anxiety and nightmares. Tonight, everything is ok; tonight, I’m ok.