This weekend one of my friends had an online pleasure party. Did you know that this particular company sells a vibrator that costs $180?!?! I’m all about finding what feels good, but $180 seems a bit excessive. For $180, it better be the best damn vibrator in the world… and the batteries should never die.

As much as I would love to know what $180 on/in my chach feels like, I decided to settle with a more cost-effective toy. I found one that was only $40, and I felt like it would probably meet my needs. $40 still seemed a bit pricey for the two minutes of pleasure that I’m looking for, so I decided to run it by my husband first. Here’s the conversations:

Me: My friend is having this party and I found a $40 vibrator that I want. Do you care if I get it?

Him: Don’t you have like four of those?

Me: Well, 5 actually; but this one says it’s 6 inches in girth. That seems pretty legit. I wish I could see it in person so I could know if it’s lying to me before I buy it.

Him: Go ahead and buy it; I don’t care…. Wait, aren’t you the one who gets mad at me when you think I’m jerking off?

Me: Only when you’re jerking off instead of having sex with me

Him: What’s the difference between that and your vibrator collection? Never mind. Just buy it. I don’t care.

The next day, I still hadn’t bought the toy and when he asked why, I said that spending $40 on a new vibrator that I don’t really need probably wasn’t what was financially best for our family. 12 hours later, he spent $50 on this build your own roller coaster set. Yep. That’s right, my husband spent $50 on a toy meant for children. I could’ve spent $40 to find what feels good and show myself compassion, but chose not to in an effort to save money. If you ask me, the vibrator would’ve been the better toy to purchase. It got 5 stars on every review; his roller coaster toy only got 3.5 stars and it’s probably not going to give me an orgasm.

My therapist says I probably view sex differently due to my trauma history than other people. I’m not really sure how other people view sex…or how I’m supposed to view sex…but I’m pretty sure my husband and I have different viewpoints. For me, sex is about feeling good. Sometimes it’s emotional too, but mostly, it’s about escaping the shittiness of life and getting lost in feeling good. When you look at it that way, I guess $180 isn’t too much to spend on a vibrator haha. I mean, how much would you pay to feel good?

PS: If you’ve used this $180 vibrator, please tell me if it’s worth every penny 🙂