Checking the mail and finding out that your husband is being sued for over $15,000 from his restaurant that closed down last year was really not what I needed on top of an already difficult day. A leasing company is suing him for payments that he never made after the restaurant failed. And of course he personally guaranteed those loans 😒In the 11 months since the restaurant closed, he has not done anything to try to make extra money to save so he can file bankruptcy….something he said he was going to do.
This past summer, he went to jail because he owed another company over $8000 due to bounced business checks from his restaurant. His parents fronted the money to keep him out of prison and pay off the company. Now, I’m worried we are in a similar situation. He says he can’t go to jail for this though — but that’s what he said last time too! His parents say they don’t have money to help. We have $18 in savings right now 😩
This is an example of chaos in my life that is out of my control. My shrink would tell me to figure out how much attention I want to give this – how much do I want this to affect me? The problem with this logic is that this situation will have some sort of impact on me, and probably not a positive one. I am trying not to stress over it, but how could you not?!?!
In marriage counseling I got in trouble for not being supportive of my husband when there is stress related to his work. Well, I guess I didn’t get in “trouble,” but it sure felt like it. How can you be supportive though when he creates these massive financial messes?!?! I mean really?! I begged him not to open this restaurant and he went behind my back and did it anyway. Clearly I have some resentment around this. And I’m not sure it will ever get better….at least not until he gets the financial part straightened out. The reality is that even if he declares bankruptcy and people quit suing him, we’re still negatively impacted – the biggest thing in my opinion would be that we can’t buy a house if we decided to move, but I’m sure there will be other issues too. I shouldn’t be projecting though, because I don’t know how the fuck he’s going to come up with $3600 to file bankruptcy. Any time I’ve asked him about it in the last 11 months, the response I get is, “I don’t know. I’ll have to figure it out.” Well, I don’t know what he’s “figuring out” or why there is never an actual solution, but he needs to hurry the fuck up and file bankruptcy before he ends up in jail again.
#fuckingoverit
PS: You know what really sucks about mental illness? Somehow, in my fucked up head, the first response I have when things like this happen is: I should’ve fucking killed myself a few weeks ago so I wouldn’t have to deal with this shit anymore. That’s sad. Because really, this whole situation isn’t about me. It is about my husband and his poor decisions. I shouldn’t punish myself for his mistakes. I should trust that he will take care of it. Unfortunately, it’s hard to trust that when he has yet to take responsibility for and solve any of the problems he creates.
October 15, 2016 at 12:15 am
The other day you said something about being called women and verbally threatened or intimidated? Not cool. Right now in recovering from addiction related (mental) illness you are a mother and your primary concerns are obvious. If you feel male or female members at AA meetings aren’t respecting your priorities then keep them a bit back. If you are to get through and be of any use to your kid you must get well for you.
I cannot understand people who get together in relationships then lie or even use violence to control that person. Surely it would be less effort to stay alone?
I have been sober 17 years today come to think of it and it has taken me a long time to get well to do a lot of things. Some people in the fellowship here… usually high bottoms… will not help many newcomers if they don’t have a good job or are good looking etc… We are in the business of getting well and helping others get well and we do that by being a power of example.
Your child may or may not have challenges in the future. That is up to the universe. You can be well for yourself and her just for today.
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October 15, 2016 at 7:11 am
17 years is AMAZING! Congratulations!
This past summer, when he was arrested, I really thought I was going to move out. Then things started getting better. There are definitely some things that have improved as a result of the last 6 or so months of marriage counseling. However, I feel like we’ve yet to solve some of the big problems that he has – like honesty and following through and being financially responsible
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October 15, 2016 at 8:00 am
Good luck with it. Don’t drink or any other form of self harm no matter what. Full moon in Aries right now
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October 15, 2016 at 8:34 am
Obviously, you’re not ready to leave this man today. You stated, “this whole situation isn’t about me. It is about my husband and his poor decisions. I shouldn’t punish myself for his mistakes. I should trust that he will take care of it”. But the HE in this case should be your HP. Give it to God each time you think of it. You can be supportive, but only when given the same back. Your marriage counselor should be aware of this. No one can run on empty. Nothing changes, if nothing changes.
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October 16, 2016 at 12:14 am
Thank you for sharing so openly about mental illness. Although times are hard, know that you’re a shining light in the world and slowly things will get better. You can only take responsibility for yourself not others. Take care x I’m sending love and light from Australia ❤️❤️
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October 16, 2016 at 12:20 am
Aw thank you so much for your kind words! And for reading! I’ve spent much of this past week focusing just on taking care of myself and it’s amazing how much different I feel 💜💜💜
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