Checking the mail and finding out that your husband is being sued for over $15,000 from his restaurant that closed down last year was really not what I needed on top of an already difficult day. A leasing company is suing him for payments that he never made after the restaurant failed. And of course he personally guaranteed those loans 😒In the 11 months since the restaurant closed, he has not done anything to try to make extra money to save so he can file bankruptcy….something he said he was going to do.

This past summer, he went to jail because he owed another company over $8000 due to bounced business checks from his restaurant. His parents fronted the money to keep him out of prison and pay off the company. Now, I’m worried we are in a similar situation. He says he can’t go to jail for this though — but that’s what he said last time too! His parents say they don’t have money to help. We have $18 in savings right now 😩

This is an example of chaos in my life that is out of my control. My shrink would tell me to figure out how much attention I want to give this – how much do I want this to affect me? The problem with this logic is that this situation will have some sort of impact on me, and probably not a positive one. I am trying not to stress over it, but how could you not?!?! 

In marriage counseling I got in trouble for not being supportive of my husband when there is stress related to his work. Well, I guess I didn’t get in “trouble,” but it sure felt like it. How can you be supportive though when he creates these massive financial messes?!?! I mean really?! I begged him not to open this restaurant and he went behind my back and did it anyway. Clearly I have some resentment around this. And I’m not sure it will ever get better….at least not until he gets the financial part straightened out. The reality is that even if he declares bankruptcy and people quit suing him, we’re still negatively impacted – the biggest thing in my opinion would be that we can’t buy a house if we decided to move, but I’m sure there will be other issues too. I shouldn’t be projecting though, because I don’t know how the fuck he’s going to come up with $3600 to file bankruptcy. Any time I’ve asked him about it in the last 11 months, the response I get is, “I don’t know. I’ll have to figure it out.” Well, I don’t know what he’s “figuring out” or why there is never an actual solution, but he needs to hurry the fuck up and file bankruptcy before he ends up in jail again.

#fuckingoverit

PS: You know what really sucks about mental illness? Somehow, in my fucked up head, the first response I have when things like this happen is: I should’ve fucking killed myself a few weeks ago so I wouldn’t have to deal with this shit anymore. That’s sad. Because really, this whole situation isn’t about me. It is about my husband and his poor decisions. I shouldn’t punish myself for his mistakes. I should trust that he will take care of it. Unfortunately, it’s hard to trust that when he has yet to take responsibility for and solve any of the problems he creates.

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