Therapy this afternoon. My anxiety numbers are high again. I’m anxious because I don’t want to talk about the trauma stuff that I know we need to talk about. Trying to remind myself that talking about it makes me feel better in the long run. Sharing the secrets helps take the pain away. But until the pain goes away, the anxiety consumes me. It feels like the walls are closing in and I can’t catch my breath. All I want is to run away. Instead, I’m counting inhales and exhales (in 5, out 7), and writing about the things I don’t want to write about – the things that I don’t want to be real. Yesterday, I was reminded that even on my worst days, even on my days like today, I am so much better off than I was a year ago. Hopefully I can find the courage today to be vulnerable. 

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