…or is it just my husband? 

No really – this is a real question.

This morning, I went to yoga. Yay! When I got home, my toddler wanted to go to the park. Well, I hadn’t eaten all day and it was around lunch time. I also had laundry to do, clothes to put away, etc. I asked my husband if he would take her to the park. He got a huge attitude about it, pouted, yelled at her, complained, etc. He did eventually take her and I think they had a good time. When they got back, we carved pumpkins and I took her to a playdate while he stayed home.

Tonight, I spent an hour and a half cooking a dinner that he wanted (not the shrimp fried rice that I wanted to cook, but the chicken croissants, mashed potatoes, and corn that he wanted). Now, I’m totally ok with being the one to cook. Really, I am. I have worked really hard these last few years on learning how to cook, and while it can be stressful, I like doing it. While I’m trying to cook and entertain my over-tired toddler, he is upstairs playing with his roller coaster toy (insert eye roll here). Literally as soon as he finished eating, he went to hide in the bathroom for half an hour while I put the leftovers away and started baking cookies with my daughter. Now, he did come down and put the dishes in the dishwasher, so I really can’t bitch.

Once the dishes were done, he went back upstairs to play with his roller coaster toy. He didn’t tell me or our daughter where he was going, he just disappeared. An hour goes by and he reappears just in time for me to get our toddler ready for bed. Well, she was over-tired and it was stressful. Instead of helping, he went back to playing with his roller coaster toy, only reappearing to give her hugs and kisses.

Well, I finally get her into bed and I go downstairs. I find my husband cleaning up something off the kitchen floor. I asked him what happened, thinking maybe the cat or dog had gotten up on the table. He tells me he spilled his soda and finishes cleaning it up. Then, I look over and see the remote for the tv literally in pieces – the batteries are out, but also the entire remote has broken open in half with it’s insides all over the living room. I asked him what happened and he snapped, “Nothing!” He said he tossed the remote onto the couch and missed and it hit the wall. *Insert “bullshit” cough here* I’m pretty certain that my husband knocked his soda off the table and then threw the remote into the wall because he was so pissed off about it. What the fuck?! It’s just a soda. But sure, let’s have zero control over our anger and throw the remote against the wall so hard that it breaks. I worry that his inability to control his anger, and his constant attitude every time I ask for his help, is going to destroy our relationship, but also his relationship with our daughter.

I haven’t posted about my marriage in a while because honestly, it’s difficult to focus on trauma work and other stressful things at the same time.