Today we are celebrating Christmas – not the Yay Jesus version, but the presents, gratitude, family, and food version. It is really the first time I am celebrating Christmas without my family. My husband’s family wanted to come visit us this year, so my family didn’t come.
My biological, alcoholic father calls me every year on Christmas. I normally don’t get to answer because I’m with my family, and my mom doesn’t know he and I still talk. When he called today, I answered. I do feel sympathy for him on the holidays, when he is celebrating alone. And I miss him – or the idea of him and the way things were when I was little…the fairytale that my mind tries to get me to believe so that my childhood doesn’t seem as horrible as it really was.
While we spoke today, he talked about how he wanted to come see us this week. I agreed to meet him for lunch tomorrow. After hanging up though, I started to feel guilty. Perhaps I should have invited him for dinner tonight. I don’t like the idea of anyone spending holidays alone. This past year, I spent Easter and Mother’s Day by myself – just me and my toddler. It was hard; hard and lonely.
I’m still going back and forth on whether or not I should call him back and invite him. My husband said he didn’t care either way. I don’t want my inlaws to judge me or my biological dad though. There’s a good chance he will be at least slightly intoxicated. It’s a challenging place to be – the grown child of an alcoholic parent.
PS: I love my new coffee cup that one of my friends got me for making it one year without cutting! 💜