Dreams fascinate me. I’ve always had really vivid dreams, often closely related to what is going on in my life. After my lunch with my biological dad a couple days ago, I’ve really been struggling with feelings of abandonment and neglect. Oooo look at me being able to identify my feelings all on my own 😉
My dreams highlight those themes. I woke up 45 minutes before my alarm went off this morning, sweating and in a complete anxiety attack. It’s not real; it’s just a dream. It took me almost 30 minutes to calm myself down and even now, two hours later, I’m still consumed by my dream.
This time there were no specific trauma memories that came up. In fact, I was my typical adult self in this dream. However, the feelings that I felt in this dream were identical to the feelings that I’m struggling with right now. In my dream, everyone left me. I needed help, and everyone just left me; I was completely abandoned…just like I was when I was little. The anxiety I have surrounding that right now is so bad that I’m pretty sure I’m going to throw up. I get that it was just a dream, but the reality is, that dream is basically exactly what happened to me when I was little. I was left alone to take care of myself, on more than one level.
All I want right now is yoga and my sandtray. I want to work through all of this shit that is clouding up my mind and making it difficult for me to focus. I just want to feel better. I want to feel safe.