An update for my readers:
- I’m pretty sure I didn’t think about killing myself at all today 🙌
- I had a fairly uneventful day at work, which was a nice change of pace.
- I ate….like 2 meals….which is definitely good for me.
- I’m struggling with trying to figure out if I should take out $3500 from my retirement for my husband to file bankruptcy. I wouldn’t make him pay the $3500 back, but I would want him to pay the 10% penalty and the taxes on it. I could also just give him the $3500 out of my savings, but it would drain my savings account and I don’t know if I would ever get that money back. If he files bankruptcy due to the loss of his business, at least that stressful part of my life would be over.
- My head is still stuck in trauma memories. A few came up today that I hadn’t thought about in a while. I don’t understand why the trauma stuff is so much more present lately.
- I missed being able to go to a yoga class today, but I did make use of my time this evening and read about 50 pages in this breathing book that I have to read for teacher training. It reminded me of how useful my breath can be.
- OMG my dog had to go under anesthesia today for a dental cleaning 😱 She’s so pitiful right now 😢 I don’t think she’s in pain, she’s just really fucking high still from coming off the anesthesia.
- Finally: my anxiety numbers are staying around a 6 or 7 today, with just a few instances in that 8-10 range. This still isn’t ideal for me, but it’s better than it was.
If you’re reading my blog and you’re struggling tonight, try to make your exhales longer than your inhales. Breathe in through your nose for 2 counts and out through your nose for 3 counts (or in 3 and out 4….etc). Try to make your belly rise and fall with your inhales and exhales. I can’t tell you that things will get better anytime soon, but, like my shrink tells me, You always have your breath.