I’m not in a place where I can talk about my therapy session from today, or my marriage, or my suicidal thoughts that don’t seem to go away. So instead, I am going to write about the gratitude that I feel this week. 

  • On Monday I went to therapy and yoga and both were so, so helpful
  • Tuesday, I had an “easy” day at work, which was a nice break
  • On Wednesday and Thursday, I took long walks with my dog – the weather was perfect 
  • Also on Wednesday, my anxiety was really high and I emailed my shrink. Her response was compassionate and helpful.
  • Today (Friday), two of my co-workers in different buildings, separately, decided to bring me Boston Cream donuts – my favorite. 

I want to write about donuts:

For the past four or five nights, I’ve been having dreams about donuts. Now, I do really love donuts, but I don’t eat them often. I looked up what this meant, and it could mean that I’m going around in circles and can’t find an alternate path, therefore not making progress. It could also mean that I’m concerned about my weight. Both are probably very accurate.

It’s been a rough 9 days. It feels like I’m not making progress. I’ve been stuck in high anxiety and suicidal thoughts for 9 days. At the moment, it feels like it is never going to get better. But today in therapy, my shrink did a few minutes of restorative yoga with me at my request. I let go of the anxiety for the weekend and I’m trying to focus only on gratitude and staying present.

Today, I am grateful for donuts. They are both delicious and enlightening.