After almost 2 weeks of high anxiety numbers and suicidal thought, I finally felt back to normal this morning. I know that I’m “normal” again because it’s sunny outside and it makes me happy. In fact, I took my daughter to the park after I got off of work today instead of hiding under a pile of blankets. My co-worker and I did 30 minutes of yoga on our lunch break today, which was super helpful. I also had a productive morning and got ready, dinner in the crockpot, and out the door on time. 

To add to my good mood, my husband got offered a job today! He starts next week, which is awesome. Hopefully his unemployment will come through for the past three weeks so that we can make ends meet until he gets paid from his new job. 

Tonight, my anxiety is really high again, even though my day was so fantastic. 

My toddler somehow managed to put about 20 hair-ties around her legs while I was cooking dinner – so now she has giants marks around her ankles and legs (which are hurting her). 

During dinner, I tried to talk to my husband about my concerns surrounding us not being able to go to marriage counseling anymore due to his new job….he got pissy with me and is clearly not the least bit worried about it. I, on the other hand, am not so sure I’m ready to be done with marriage counseling. One of my goals for 2017 was to not need marriage counseling anymore. However, the fact that my husband told me to kill myself last week is a solid indicator that we still need it. 

I also tried to talk to my husband about how he’s planning to come up with an extra $350 a month plus the extra $3500 he needs to file bankruptcy. He got pissy with me again and refused to talk about it. 

I am frustrated with his unwillingness to communicate and be nice, and so afraid of how things will be when we stop marriage counseling. I don’t want things to get worse. It’s so overwhelming.