I went into my weekend so optimistic. I had everything planned out for today to make my husband’s birthday a good day. He said he wanted to spend the whole day with me and our daughter celebrating. We went to a museum this morning and a local restaurant for lunch. While he and my daughter nap, I’m supposed to pick up his cake and filets and lobster for dinner. In my head, the day was going to be perfect. 

Here’s how the day has actually gone:
My husband has spent most of the day on his phone looking at Facebook. He wanted me to watch our daughter while he took a shower and got ready this morning, but then didn’t want to help keep an eye on her afterwards for me to get ready. The museum was cool, but he was miserable because it’s cold and he didn’t take my suggestion of dressing warmer this morning. Then he got mad when I didn’t know the exact location of the restaurant (because it’s brand new and isn’t even listed on google yet). All it took was walking around for about 2 mins before we found it though. At lunch, he spent most of the time on his phone and barely spoke to us.
After lunch, we walked back to the car. He helped put our daughter in her car seat and had set his drink on the roof of the car. When I got in and closed my door, there was a huge gust of wind and his drink fell off the roof of the car. He starts cussing and screaming at me and threw the empty cup. It’s my fault. I can’t do anything right. 

And instantly my mind is back to dark places that I don’t like to talk about. I tried so hard to make today a good day, not just for his birthday, but also for me. I’m supposed to be working on spending more time with the positives, but I’m having a hard time doing that when I feel like I fail at life every single day. I needed today to be a good day, and instead I’m sitting in the passenger seat crying because no matter what I do, it isn’t enough for my husband. 
Positives today:

  • I’m not at work
  • I’ve enjoyed my time with my daughter
  • My lunch was delicious
  • I get to eat lobster and cake today
  • This time next week I’ll be at yoga teacher training
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