Tonight was my first yoga class in a week. The difference in my body from before class to now is incredible. Prior to class, my anxiety numbers were in the 8-10 range. I was stressed out about everything in the world that I could possibly be stressed out about. Now that yoga is over, my anxiety numbers are at like a 0….there’s no anxiety. 

Before class, I got to play around with some new restorative poses with the teacher….who happens to be my shrink. I literally was looking forward to this all day. I love backbends and this restorative wheel was legit amazing.

Early today I had decided that I would start working on using an eye pillow in yoga class. This was a HUGE class, so I was really nervous. I reminded myself that my shrink would not let bad things happen to me while I had my eyes covered. I didn’t make it through all of shavasana with my eye pillow on, but I did make it a few minutes before getting anxious, and that is a big accomplishment for me! #feelingproud

The class was full of heart openers, or at least that’s how it felt. In some poses, like fish, I had to work so hard to stay present and mindful that, before I could move into the next pose, I had to sit in child’s pose for a minute. My mind needed a break. 

I had one flashback in class – a new memory. This one was only a piece of memory and the feelings of fear attached to it was more prevelant than the visuals. I feel like this ties into another trauma memory that I have, like they occurred on the same day, but I can’t quite tell. Putting the pieces together is exhausting. For now, I’ve decided that it doesn’t really matter – nothing changes from me having this new piece. So for today, it does not deserve my energy. 

My weekend wasn’t as amazing as I had hoped. However, I’ve worked hard to find the positives. And tonight, I savored every moment of restorative yoga.