I’ve finished my first full day of yoga teacher training.
My fear going into training was being vulnerable. In fact, I spent months agonizing over what I would say if I were asked to talk about why I started doing yoga and how I ended up at teacher training. The idea to go through YTT actually came to me around July, so really, I spent about 6 months stressing about it. That’s a long time. But I really wasn’t really sure how to respond to a question like that in a room full of strangers. I mean, what do you say? My therapist said yoga teacher training would maybe end up being a better financial investment than therapy? Ha – but really….
I did answer the question openly and honestly today when it was asked. I talked about my struggle with CPTSD and self-injury, and how my shrink wanted to incorporate yoga into our work. I told a room full of basically complete strangers things that my own mother doesn’t know about me 😮
Today, I chose to be vulnerable.
There were a few things that helped me make the choice to share about yoga’s place in my life. For one, my favorite yoga teacher was there and her awareness and compassion towards me in yoga classes makes me feel 100% safe with her. It’s a feeling that I don’t have with many people. The second thing that played a big role in my decision to share about my mental health issues and yoga was watching other people be open and vulnerable about yoga’s purpose in their life. I was amazed at how, despite not knowing each other, everyone was willing to share – even though it wasn’t a requirement. And finally, I decided that if I was going to sit through 200 hours of training, I should at least try to use my story to show other people how important a mind-body approach can be when you have mental health issues.
Anyways….I’m incredibly proud of how courageous I was today. It was not easy, but I feel like I made the right choice. I am exhausted, but looking forward to another day tomorrow.
If you’re struggling tonight, I’m sending you so much love. Take time to do nice things for yourself 💜