Words cannot express how much I need yoga right now. I’m going to a class in 30 minutes and I have high hopes that this will help me decompress. My therapy session this afternoon was exceptionally stressful. Believe it or not, it was not stressful because of my previous post where I called my shrink a “fucking cunt.” Ha she handled that better than I anticipated 😊
Therapy was stressful this time because of the trauma memories that came up. However, I know that talking about them helps. I’m getting the hang of this “feeling” thing when I talk about trauma memories. I cried again this time. This is really quite a new thing for me: crying over trauma memories 🤔 Tonight is also really one of the few times I’ve recounted memories that are new to my therapist without reading them out of my journal. I was able to tell her essentially what happened. I didn’t stay present for the entire time, but I don’t think the times that I wasn’t present were too exceptionally lengthy because I was able to continue the conversation at some point.
Trauma work today was a lot more challenging than I had anticipated, and it ended up leading me to discuss a memory that I wasn’t expecting, but I think overall I did ok. I allowed myself to feel it, even though I wanted to dig my nails into my wrist. Even though it was a challenging session, I feel slightly lighter now. I think the more sessions I have like this one, where I am open and honest, where I am vulnerable, where I allow myself to really feel the memories, the more growth I see. One day, it won’t hurt as much.