There are some things that are hard for me to talk about….this is one of them. It’s actually almost harder than talking about trauma stuff…almost.

My younger sister was diagnosed at the age of 13 with a chronic illness. That was almost 10 years ago. In the time since she got sick, she’s had a slew of medical complications, brain surgeries, procedures, etc. It has been, and continues to be, a very emotional rollercoaster with her. I’ve literally watched my sister die a slow, painful death for these past 9 years. And even though she is still alive, the chronic pain that she lives in has killed the girl who used to be my sister. 

In a few months, she will hopefully be walking down the aisle to say “I do.” This weekend was supposed to be all about picking out bridesmaids dresses and having a bachelorette party. A couple days ago, I got the call. My sister is sick again. This time is bad – blood clot in her brain. She’s on blood thinners, so it’s not an easy fix. They’re admitting her to the hospital. 

Over the years, we’ve had to learn to make the most of our situation. We’ve celebrated countless birthdays, holidays, and special events in the hospital with my sister. This weekend was no different. We FaceTimed with her this morning as we selected bridesmaids dresses. Tonight, we decorated her hospital room with penises and played “pin the junk on the hunk.” And while it was obvious she was struggling to stay alert, for a few minutes I had my sister back. 

Because of what we’ve been through, I cherish every moment that I have with my sister. We make the most out of every event, even if it means celebrating in the hospital. I miss my sister – I miss the way she was before she got sick. I don’t like to talk about this topic, not even in therapy, because emotionally it is very difficult. Trying to cope with the ups and downs of her health and the uncertainty is a challenge for me. Tonight, we took our lemons and moved our lemonade stand.