Sometimes my mom makes these comments that just baffle me. Last night I was talking to my youngest sister about a friend of mine who has a daughter that reminds me of her. My sister has always been super emotional. She even cries when she loses at Cards Against Humanity….did I mention she’s 18?! Anyway, a friend of mine was talking about her 9-year-old daughter and how she’s always been highly sensitive. When I mentioned it to my sister, my mom was sitting next to her. My mom chimed in, “You’re the one who cried nonstop when you were 7!”
My breath stopped; heavy in my chest. I remember how difficult ages 5-7 were for me. I remember how the abuse progressed during that time, and how much I struggled. I had just about all of the signs of childhood sexual abuse….but no one recognized them. Or if they did, they didn’t care enough to do anything about it.
Several months ago, I let go of a lot of the resentment that I had towards my mom. However, when she makes comments like that, when she talks about oddities in my behavior from that time period, I get so incredibly angry at her. She didn’t care about me enough to find out why I was crying all the time. She was too busy being consumed by her job and her new family.
Eventually, I think I learned to adapt to the abuse. It lasted until I was 11. And at some point, I did a better job of hiding the signs. But when I was 7, I cried all the time….and other things 😢