This afternoon I stopped by Target to kill some time before yoga teacher training. It was a Target that I don’t normally go to. I was there for just a few minutes before hearing someone shout my name. I turned around to see a girl that I went to college with! She lived “next door” to me in the dorms freshman year.
I was so excited to see her! We didn’t really “hang out,” but we would get ready together for our evenings out and whatnot. Seeing her took me back to my days as an 18 year old haha
We were talking about what we’re doing now, and she made a comment about how I’m like the happiest person she’s ever met. My first thought was Jeez you must not know many happy people! But then I realized that she may actually be right….to an extent.
As much as PTSD and anxiety impact my mood, when I’m around my friends, I really try to be as fun as I possibly can. I am energetic and lively; I am funny and entertaining. I love to make people laugh. I love to be that friend that is so outrageous that you can’t help but smile from ear to ear.
When I turned around tonight and saw her, I was overcome with so much joy! I squealed, screamed her nickname that I gave her in college, and embraced her in a huge hug. Prior to that, I was pissed off about the shitty parking situation at this Target and also slightly stressed over my tummy hurting. But instantly, with no real thought to it, my entire mood changed when I saw her. It was like a switch was flipped. Suddenly, instead of being caught up in my negative inner dialog, I was alive again. I was asking all about her life and her relationship status and job. I was human again.
Sometimes, I swear my brain takes away a big part of my personality. But when I’m able to get out of my head, I’m really a pretty awesome person! There is so much more to who I am than the trauma that I’ve been through.