I’m in my second weekend of yoga teacher training. This morning, during our break, I pulled out my phone. I had a text from my mom from an hour and a half prior. My sister was going in for emergency surgery. Her 16th major surgery in 9 years.
She did make it out of surgery ok. The doctor put a shunt in to help relieve the pressure that was in her skull. The pressure had gotten so bad that she literally couldn’t see anymore. However, this is not her first time having a shunt. She’s had a few in the past, but her body rejects them and she ends up having even more complications….life-threatening complications.
After I read the text about my sister’s emergency surgery, I had a really hard time remaining present. The rest of the day is a blur. I missed almost a whole day of anatomy in yoga teacher training because anxiety consumed all of my energy. I couldn’t keep my mind focused. And then, when my anxiety numbers get high and stay high, the flashbacks begin. And they did.
Today was challenging. I’ve even started thinking that maybe I should drop out of yoga teacher training. It’s not like me to quit. However, today was a cruel reminder of how impossible it is for me to function in life when my anxiety is high. It’s debilitating. I just want to give up.