It’s been over a week since I’ve written on my blog. For someone who was blogging daily, it was definitely a challenge to refrain from writing on my blog. And while I did journal some, it wasn’t nearly as convenient as blogging.
I quit blogging because I needed to take time to think about the role it serves in my life. Almost two weeks ago, I wrote a post that could have cost me one of the most important people in my life. Since then, I’ve been on a rollercoaster of emotions.
Last week, I was pretty positive I was going to kill myself. Actually, I don’t think I’ve been that seriously suicidal since September. I got through it though, and without a drink or a razor blade. It took going to restorative yoga with my favorite teacher before I could really process what was going on. That also meant a whole lot of crying in yoga. But ultimately, that class is what helped me find serenity.
Last week I also celebrated my 29th birthday. The weekend was pretty much perfect. I even made time for an AA meeting, where I got to share about how this is really the first year that I haven’t been sad about being sober on my birthday. You see, my birthday is on St. Patrick’s Day. If you’re drinking, it’s seriously the best birthdate ever. The whole world celebrates with you. But when you’re sober, you don’t participate in the festivities for fear that you’ll want to drink. This year, I went to the movies. For the first time in five years, I didn’t miss being a part of the green beer, parties, etc.
This week, I am doing ok. I have had a few things come up that have been challenging, but I’m really trying to keep myself stable. I am trying to prevent another spiral. I am practicing yoga every day at home. I am reaching out to others to get out of my head. And I am clinging to the feeling of peace that I felt at the end of last week. At this very moment, I am ok.