I left marriage counseling today feeling angry. Not angry at my marriage counselor or my husband, or even the things that came up today. Today I was angry that the abuse that I endured as a child is still severely impacting my life.
After therapy, I went to yoga. My wrist was all scratched up from where I had dug my nails into it during our session. I struggled to stay present today. I debated on not going to yoga because my favorite instructor was teaching it, and I didn’t want her to see me this dysregulated or see the marks on my wrist. However, I decided it was better than going home and being alone (my husband had plans with our daughter).
I walked into yoga and tried to focus on the positive energy surrounding me. I tried to focus on my breath. But all I could feel was anger. Then, a girl from my teacher training walked in and sat down next to me. I couldn’t help it; I smiled and said, “I am so glad you’re here! I’ve had the worst day!” She responded, “It’s ok. I’m here with you now.”
It’s ok. I’m here with you now.
I am not alone, I thought. I am safe.
Practice was empowering. I’ve been working on building core strength every night at home and I could really tell a difference in class tonight. My favorite yoga teacher offered physical assists. Something she rarely does. It was nice to feel that support from her. And she was super aware of my issues with touch and made sure she told me before she touched me.
After yoga, I felt like the whole world was better. The anger was gone. I know it will eventually return, it always does. But I was able to enjoy ice cream with my friend from teacher training, take my dog on a walk, and enjoy an evening with my husband. Yoga makes the whole world better 💜🙏🏼