Today the anxiety consumes me.
I am anxious about so many things… I know that none of them even deserve my attention at this present moment. But I can’t get my body to understand that. My tummy hurts and I’m shaking and I can’t focus on anything. Every time I stop, I can feel my breath – shallow and rapid. I try to slow it down but it always goes right back to the way it was.
Today my husband, who seems legitimately concerned, asked me how long I had been feeling this way. I said I didn’t know… He said he knows it’s been at least 7 days. He said that and I wanted to cry. He’s right. I need this to get better.
I’ve used a variety of coping skills this week:
- 3 yoga classes
- Restorative yoga at home
- Reaching out to friends
- Doing nice things for myself
- Writing about extending compassion to myself
- Breathing exercises and tip-tap fingers or whatever my shrink calls it
- Walking my dog
- Focusing on the positives and the present moment
- Trying to set up opportunities to go out with friends
I’d hate to see how bad the anxiety would be if I had used no coping skills. However, I feel completely defeated at this point. I don’t understand why I am so anxious and I can’t make it go away. Seriously it feels like I’m dying. I need to feel “normal;” but instead I literally feel like I’m drowning in anxiety 😩