Today my daughter turned three years old. It’s overwhelming to think about how much has changed in the last three years. I feel like I was a single mom for most of them, since my husband worked in restaurants up until the last few months. But now, he and I are probably closer than we’ve ever been (at least this week).
My daughter brings so much joy into my life. Her smile and laughter is infectious, and her energy brightens up the room. However, her strong will and independence is often frustrating and more than I can handle. I like to have control, and I cannot have control over her… she’s so defiant most days. It stresses me out to no end. Most days I feel like a terrible mom, like all I do is yell and I’m just destroying the relationship I have with her.
The reality is that I love her more than anything in the whole world. And the things that I tell her to do or not to do are really just my attempts at keeping her safe (don’t stand in the chair; don’t walk down the steps backwards; etc). Every time she gets hurt, I feel like I’ve failed at protecting her. Logically, I know that kids fall and get hurt; it’s part of growing up. However, seeing her hurting makes me feel like I’m not doing my job.
Parenting is complicated. It is challenging and overwhelming and frustrating. It is also magical in the most unexpected ways. Today, I sat on the floor building “Santa’s house” out of Legos and watching Homeward Bound with my daughter. There was no arguing or yelling, just the two of us sharing enjoyment.
I am not sure what this next year has in store for us, but right now I am happy with where we are in life. 💜
PS: if you read my previous posts, a brief update: I’m sick now with a cold. My anxiety is still present, but not quite as bad. 3 yoga classes in the last 4 days has helped.