It’s yoga teacher training weekend! 

I’m in need of the distraction. Between trauma work this week, a job interview that didn’t go well, and money issues, I’m kind of an anxious mess. I think there’s a little more depression than anxiety actually. I just feel like nothing matters anymore.

Today was the first time I’ve had a job interview where I felt like I was not going to get offered the position. I do not think I have the experience that they are looking for. However, I want the job so that I can build on my experience, in addition to other things. I really want this job. I know that what is meant for you won’t go by you, but I’m having a hard time accepting it. Hmmm sounds like I need to recite the serenity prayer 🤔🙏🏼

We had marriage counseling today and that was fine. My marriage is actually the one consistent thing in my life…. it’s consistently good, with the exception of money. My marriage counselor kind of gets the shit end of the deal because she not only has to help us fix our marriage, but she also has to figure out how to help me manage my anxiety and ptsd in sessions…. even when it has nothing to do with my marriage. 

Oh – I did fall asleep easily in my hotel room by myself last night. However, I woke up at 4am, 5am, and 6am with nightmares. It’s been a while since I’ve had trauma-related nightmares…. I guess because I’ve not worked a trauma memory in a while. I’m hopeful that one day the nightmares won’t happen anymore, but the cynic in me doesn’t think that will ever happen 😕 

I’m definitely in a funk today. Hopefully a room full of yogis makes it better 💜

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