I’ve been working on trauma stuff for a week or two now. I forget how much more prevalent my memories become when I am actively doing trauma work. It becomes difficult to concentrate, as the frequency and intensity of the flashbacks increase. I’ve managed to make it to four yoga classes in the last two days, which has helped. Today, I wrote this – it pretty much sums up where my head is right now:

Stuck in the past
There’s no way out
Mind is distant

As thoughts of him overtake
I see the girl
Brave and courageous
But I do not feel that way
I am scared
Afraid of never healing
Memories feel like reality
Losing touch with the present
Mindfulness is a joke
The world laughs
As I try to push back
Fighting for freedom
Longing for safety
But consumed by the trauma
Hopelessness evades
The only way out
Is to burn away the pain