Sometimes it is hard to distinguish what is real and what isn’t. I am afraid that my mind is making things up to prevent me from being angry at my abuser. In these moments, I feel completely insane. I don’t know what to trust and what not to trust. 

I know that I should be angry at my abuser. I should have resentment towards him the way that I have resentment towards my mom and dad for not keeping me safe. But I can’t. It’s so complicated. He was like my big brother. He was like my best friend. I don’t want to hate him. And part of me is so afraid of the anger that I could potentially feel. I don’t do well with anger. Being angry makes me want to hurt myself. 

How do you allow yourself to feel the anger that you have towards your abuser?