The anxiety consumes me today. 

It started last night. My husband kept asking me what was wrong, but I didn’t know. The only answer I could give was “I miss yoga.” I haven’t been to a class since Monday, and I haven’t been to my home studio in 4 days. I know that isn’t the reason that I am anxious though. 

My youngest sister has been in town this week and we have had a really good time together. Today she was supposed to come to yoga with me. She’s started a new medication this week because she has some sort of heart issue where her heart could just spontaneously stop working. The medication is making her not feel well. She decided it would be better to just go home. I support her decision, but it’s still tough. Both of my sisters now have pretty serious health issues. I think the reality of that is sinking in this week. 

I think I’m also anxious because I have marriage counseling and trauma therapy tomorrow. My husband is still doing a super shitty job managing money. We still fight all the time. And I still don’t know if I want to stay or leave. 

I know that I need to work through some stuff with my trauma therapist. I need to talk about this anger piece – or my lack of anger. I need to figure out how to handle sex without dissociating. I need to feel freedom

I am hopeful that spending my morning in yoga helps me feel better. I need to feel better. Being anxious for the last 17 hours has been difficult. My wrist is burning, begging me to cut it. Here’s to day 565 without cutting 😏

 

 

I would love to give credit to the artist of this image, but I couldn’t find a link for it in my google search 😕 This picture is amazing though 💜

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