This past weekend was incredible in terms of feeling sincerely supported by my yoga community. However, the anxiety is still very much present. I have been waking up throughout the night the last several nights with intense anxiety. It’s like I can’t get my body to quit shaking. I am not sure if I’m having nightmares, because I’m not remembering my dreams, but I wake up panicked, unable to settle my body and mind. 

I have another Thai Massage scheduled for Wednesday. Two more days. It feels like it’s forever away. I need my sandtray. I need to work through the chaos surrounding the anger and my abuse. I need to feel safe. Right now, I don’t. 

I have therapy tomorrow. I anticipate my therapist is going to want to discuss something different from what I need to discuss. I am worried I won’t advocate for my needs. It’s easy to talk to her about yoga and fun things; it’s so much more difficult to discuss the trauma stuff. 

Two yoga classes tonight. I’m hoping that helps lower my anxiety some. It’s definitely going to be an essential oils and yoga nidra kinda night.