Today I am feeling torn between my past and present. It actually started in yoga last night, during my yin class. I found myself feeling so much empathy for the little girl that I used to be. I decided this morning to write about it. This is what it feels like to want to change your past; this is what is running through my head right this minute:

I see you, Little Girl
Brown eyes and straight brown hair
I feel your fear
I know your pain
When I close my eyes, you’re there
Staring at me
Pleading me to help you
But I can’t
I want so much to keep you safe
But I can’t change what happened to you
I can’t change what he did
My heart hurts
I feel like an outsider
Watching him destroy you
I can’t change it
I can’t keep you safe
It happens
It happens over and over
And each time, I watch
As you die a little more
I’m sorry
I am so, so sorry that I can’t keep you safe
I want you to be ok,
But I know that you are not
I want you to feel safe and loved
But I know that you don’t
One day you will have all of those things
You will grow up and it will be ok
He won’t be able to hurt you anymore
You are strong and courageous
You are resilient
What happened to you is not ok
Those horrible things he did to you,
They will forever be engrained
But you don’t have to be scared anymore
He can’t hurt you now.