I can’t sleep. I’m afraid to go to sleep. 

I had my first dysregulating flashback in a while. I’ve had a few flashbacks over the last few months, but none have really been dysregulating. Tonight’s flashback was. It was the kind of flashback that hurt, the kind that makes me want to claw my insides out. The sensations come first, and then the memory follows. 

It happened about 30 minutes ago and I still feel it. I can’t make the sensations go away. So, I’m afraid to go to sleep. I’m afraid of the dreams I may have. I’m afraid of more dysregulation. I was doing so well too 😢